Leaving

            Here I am, sitting in bed, with my post anxiety melt down self, wishing I could stay home forever. Most kids my age (18) go off to college maybe an hour or two away from home having the ability to come home as they please on weekends. Am I crazy to want to leave my loved ones? Am I crazy to travel the country in a shitty van that could break down any moment? Am I crazy to leave with only $1,300 in my bank account? Am I crazy to leave everything that makes me comfortable?
            These questions ponder my brain constantly but I think I have come to a simple answer to all of them. NO. Sure most kids will leave for college to "learn" but, I know that for me the only way to get a true education before indulging in the treacherous world of college is to indulge myself in the world. I need see what I would look up on google photos or come across on instagram with my own eyes. I need to put myself into uncomfortable situations so I can become more comfortable with myself and my strength.  I need to learn how people across my own country and possibly other live their everyday lives. I need to see the wild and be the wild. I need to share my music with people. This is my passion.
            Though I know that the long hours of driving will be grueling and I will miss my family like no other, I am ready. The journey to creating new friendships and experiences will conclude in stories that I can tell my children and their children about. John Lewis once wrote "If not us then who, If not now, then when?”. Instead of my anxiety ridden questions that usually fluster my head, I will now force these two questions into my brain as my worries start to pour in. When is a better time then now?